Humility, a word I am able to define on paper but unable to fully understand. It is a word that I have struggled with for most of my life and still struggle with even today. It has been a constant battle for me to find a way to be humble yet still hold strong to my own beliefs and not be the walking mat for the world to step on. So I usually overcompensate and become prideful in my own beliefs. Boasting so much in my own mind that I forgot about the other half of the fight. But I was wrong in thinking that my life is a constant battle between humility and pride, constantly thinking that I need to have an even balance of both in my faith. But in truth the battle is not to have a balance of humility and pride but to let humility defeat the pride within us.
During this break God has really allowed many things into my life that has taught me so much about humility and how to truly be humble in everything that I do. Don't get me wrong it's still an uphill battle, but God is on my side whom shall I fear? And honestly, there are not many physical things that I am afraid of (I'm not completely fearless, but it does take a lot to find my fears). Yet again that was my pride showing me that even though I wasn't afraid of it I shouldn't underestimate it. But I did just that, I underestimated what I could not see and allowed it to consume me without even being aware that it was within me. Spiritual warfare is something I knew exists but I never thought anything of it because I thought my faith was strong enough to handle it. I thought that God would never let anything like that happen to me. Sometimes I even thought that being American made me immune to it all haha...yes my mind definitely went that far. But what I failed to remember is that I'm human, not God. My pride was the way in for any spirit to overtake my mind. I thought that I was somehow better and stronger in my faith than everyone else here because I came to help them. That these people needed my help. I held myself on a shrine that didn't exist and talked a talked that was to much for my own mouth to handle.
It wasn't until God sent one of the youth girls to break me into a million pieces. He brought me back to the beginning and reminded me of why I started serving Him in the first place. He used my passion for youth kids and particularly youth girls to break me down and mold me to be more in His likeness. He showed me that a life in service isn't about how much you know or how much you can do, but how much you are willing to learn and how much you let God do. Moreover, leadership isn't measured in accomplishments, but leadership is living a life of humility. Being humble and letting God overtake our lives, freeing us from the ways of the world and guiding us away from the evil within us.
The more God allows the world to get in your way the more He is ready to use you in battle against the evil within the world we live in. The more you overcome the more you are ready to stand in the center of the world and not conform to it and the closer you are to the Almighty.
